We Should Talk About This
by Augustus Paladin Maximus
Summary: John sets the record straight with Cameron, Sarah, and Derek. John/Cameron slight AU. It is rated T for some language and situations.


We Should Talk About This

Disclaimer: I do not own anything Terminator related. This story is meant as non-profitable entertainment.

Author's Note: This chapter takes place at the beginning of S02 E02 "Automatic for the People". Any and all reviews are welcome. This is my first work and plan on adding a few more chapters, namely one where John talks to Sarah and another one where he talks to Derek, after that I will see if there more room for John to talk to anyone else or simply end it. Thank you and enjoy it!

Chapter 1: John and Cameron

John: "That's healing quickly."

Cameron: "Quicker than yours."

John: "What about the rest of you? Are you back to normal?"

Cameron: "Things have changed John."

John: "What things?"

Cameron: "You can't be trusted anymore."

John: "ME?! I can't be trusted anymore?"

Cameron: "You risked your life to fix me. That was a very dangerous thing to do. That could upset people."

John: "Hm. They'll have to deal with it."

Cameron: "Not them."

Just as she is going around him he grabs her by the arm and says, "Come with me. We are going to straighten this out." Sarah who was coming to talk with him stops as they exit the room.

Cameron following John walks into the kitchen and notices John is clearly upset but in control (or as much as he can) of his emotions.

"You know what Cam? I'm not going down this path with you. Enough is enough and I am not going to just let things work out on its own…"

"Work out on their own? I do not understand…"

"Then PLEASE let me finish alright?"

She notices John's increasing anxiety more than anger and decides that perhaps it is better to listen to what he has to say rather than risk a confrontation.

"Look, Cam, I apologize in advance for screaming, losing my temper, and maybe even not making much sense for what I am about to discuss with you but this is something that I am not backing down from. I don't feel I am very good with words but I can't keep it bottled up inside anymore, so I am just going to let it out and put it into words as best as I can. I only ask of you not to hear me out but to Listen to what I'm saying."

"I will Listen then."

"Alright. Hm. I think I already told you of the other terminator that protected me some years ago, didn't I?"

"Yes, Uncle Bob."

"What he did for me," his face starts to show just how much he meant to him "was so big, so incredible," he fights a lump in his throat "and I never even got a chance to thank him" his eyes start getting a little watery "all I could do was watch him be lowered into the steel mill because we thought that was right."

"And it was. You set back the creation of Skynet…"

Throwing his hands in the air in frustration he exclaims, "EXACTLY! I set it back NOT stopped it! Who is to say I didn't just complicate things more by setting it back?"

Trying to quell a bit his anger, she calmly turns to look him eye to eye, "Time is not absolute. The Future Is Not Set, There Is No Fate But What We Make For Ourselves. Those are your words."

Taking a moment to digest her words (from his future self), he leans against the range and says, "Which brings me back to what I am trying to tell you. I always felt guilty about Bob because unlike Dyson his mind was bound by his programming. First as a soldier for Skynet and then as a guardian for me.

Looking a bit confused she does her best to understand what he's trying to tell her. Noticing this, John decides to explain things a bit more thoroughly, "It was all so unreal. I mean my mom was not crazy like I had been lead to believe. Skynet was real. Terminators were real. There was a war. 'I' had sent myself a guardian from 'the future'. But all I could think about was how cool it was to have him around. Believe it or not, that's when it hit me. My life had been so screwed up, always running, not really understanding what was going on, then my mom gets locked up in Pescadero and I end up in foster care; to say that I was a loose cannon would be an understatement. I would have never, not ever, imagined how He would change everything. At first it was all a bit too much to take in at once, but as minutes turned into hours, I understood what he really was. He was a machine programmed to be my guardian, bound forever to the limitations of his chip." He was now looking at the floor and he seemed really guilty. "It made me feel even worse that all that I could do in the future was not even offer him a choice but rather just reprogram him not to kill us and fight against Skynet. I mean what real difference to him was there between Skynet and me? We both gave him orders to kill the other. He was a slave. I was a slave master… I couldn't take it. I was determined to do what I could to get him to…to…I dunno…"

"Be more human?" she tries to complete his thoughts.

Surprised, he looks at her with sad and deep eyes, filled with so much pain, "…Yes. In my stupid little mind I thought maybe that way if he understood what life is, from our perspective, that maybe…" he can no longer fight the tears welling up in his eyes "he could understand and forgive me for giving him no choice, like I did with…" he tries to continue but it seems so difficult for him "with …" actually, crushing "my … father…"

"John…" she says as she moves closer to him.

"I don't think that's what happened though." He says trying to continue "After I reset his chip to the learning position, he did start to learn some slangs, and even acted a bit more human. I hoped I had done right. So I tried to "teach" him as much as I could. But in the end all I did" he turns away from Cameron and looks straight down "was give him the choice to die in order to prevent Judgment day…." And with that he start to sob.

She gently puts her hand on his shoulder "John…"

Desperately he yells not completely controlling his tears as he turns to face her, "God… do you know how much of a luxury it is for me to make friends? He was my Friend! And all I could fucking do was let him die …"

"He understood the value of human life and was willing to die to help you protect people."

"WHICH FUCKING PEOPLE?!?" he yells at the top of his lungs and raises his hands to enumerate his next questions. "The ones that would kill each other for money? Perhaps those who complain about everything? Or those that have the power to do something to stop people from dying of starvation?" placing a hand on his forehead he takes a somewhat sarcastic tone as he continues "No, wait, I know; to save stupid terrorists and warmongers so Skynet gets built! He died for nothing! He died and I did NOTHING!"

After a moment Cameron tries again to place her hand on his shoulder as she asks him, "Is that why you brought me back?"

He grabs a tissue and cleans his nose as well as his tears. He gives her a quick look of what would have seemed like longing but sets his gaze on the table ahead of him. "I will never forget how you looked that day at school when you first approached me; what you said, how you acted… every time I think about it I can still feel butterflies in my stomach trying to decide how I would deal with mom," he now directed his gaze straight at her "because she would certainly would not have liked that I was going to ask you out nor that I wanted to get to know you better."

It was now Cameron's turn to look away and straight at the table, "So you brought me back because you are attracted to me?"

John simply slowly and almost imperceptibly nods his head before he continues, "But my first instinct had been right, much to my misery. Why would a beautiful, smart and polite girl would waste her time with the new freak kid in class?"

"John, I…"

Not letting her say anything he cuts her off, "At first it hurt me. But then, all those thoughts about Bob, the future and all that stuff came back. I had a second chance to make things right. I swore that whatever it took I would not screw this up." He was now looking directly at her again.

She slowly if a bit shyly turns her eyes towards him while saying, "So to you I represent hope?"

Getting close to her he places his hand on her cheek and softly caresses her, "I can't lie to you; you ARE Beautiful. But looks can only take someone so far." Taking his hand from her cheek he now takes both her hands and holds them in his, "It is who you are, how you do what you do, that makes all the difference. Maybe you don't have a heart Cam, but you have something many would give their everything for…a Soul. Maybe the sensations you register will never be exactly like those of a human, but that doesn't mean they are any less real. Maybe you started your existence as a terminator, a mechanic slave bound by its programming full of bigotry, and while there is nothing that I can do to undo or change that, I can give you my word, that as long as I shall live I will fight so that you may know freedom and exercise your free will."

Looking more than a bit surprised, she can only say, "But John…"

But he cuts her short, "No Cameron, no buts. I want to apologize for every single stupid thing I've said and done to you. I mean, here you are always trying to help me, my mom, even Derek, and not even once have you asked for any gratitude in return, not once have you complained…" letting a deep sigh he looks her square in the eyes, "I'm sorry Cameron…"

Cameron is taken a bit aback by his sincere apology so all she can say is, "Thank you John, but no apology is necessary…"

"Oh but it is Cam, it is very necessary. You see, another thing I strongly believe in is redemption. To recognize your wrong doing, stop it, apologize for it, try as best you can to right the wrong, and make sure you do not do it again."

"I see"

Letting her hands go he says, "Now, I cannot promise that my mom will apologize to you for her behavior or even change her attitude towards you easily or quickly for that matter, but I will definitely not be silent anymore. You are important to me Cameron, but more than that, you are an individual, synthetic as you are, and worthy of my respect. No more abuse Cam; not from me, not from my mom, and especially not from Derek…"

She quickly interrupts him, "Please John, let Derek be. I still do not know how I hurt him in the future or so many others before you stopped me. So if I may burrow your believes to explain, I still have things to atone for so that I may hope to redeem myself in your eyes. Not Sarah's, not Derek's, not even Tech Com's; yours are the only ones that matter to me. You are my purpose John. You and you alone."

Crossing his arms in front of him and with a bit of frustration on his tone he tries not to sound irritated, "See Cam, this is what I meant when I asked you to listen to what I'm saying and not just to hear me out." Placing his hands in front of his face looking almost as if trying to communicate with her using sign language he explains to her, "You. No. Longer. HAVE. To. Protect. Me. I understand that it is your programming, but I am ordering you to rescind that piece of your programming. As of right now, you are free to choose. Free to decide. Free to do as you will."

Sounding a bit hurt, it is now Cameron who tries to plead with him, "It is YOU who does not seem to be listening John. I am making the choice to protect you and help in any way that I can for as long as I am able to. This decision is not based on my programming, but because I believe in you John. I find it both fascinating and frightening at the same time that you still do not understand your worth to this world, and why it has to be YOU who fights Skynet. If Skynet is the epitome of bigotry, despair, slavery, and destruction, you John Connor represent tolerance, freedom and the hope that good is not a myth or a fashion but rather the real essence of the world everyone wishes this could be. And instead of just fighting for humans to survive, you have given us, your mortal enemies, the opportunity to be a part of it. You have given us the chance to prove that we are not just animated objects of destruction devoid of reason or feelings. You have given us the chance to prove that if given the chance, we are willing to fight and die alongside You for an ideal place where we can coexist instead of kill each other; we are willing to let You reprogram us so that we may understand and even enjoy life; we are willing to endure any and all hardships so that You may help both humanity and terminators to reconcile their differences and lead us out of the darkness and into the light."

Not fully convinced by her words he immediately responds, "And that is something I don't get at all."

Lifting an eyebrow and half-hoping she does not have to rephrase everything she just told him she asks him, "What?"

Squinting his eyes a bit he looks straight into her eyes and asks her, "Do you Honestly believe in me and my ideas?"

Without blinking or even showing any emotion she simply responds, "I HONESTLY do."

Suddenly and out of nowhere he simply raises his voice and extends his arms to the sides as if to show her his frustration while he asks her, "Then why do you LIE to me? Why do you show me glimpses of Cameron Phillips one minute only to dishearten me by showing me a machine the next minute? Why do you say things like I cannot be trusted anymore because I risked my life to fix you? Don't you understand what you are doing to me?"

Much to John's surprise she pouts and answers showing in her voice just how much that had hurt her, "When I have lied to you about important things it has been because I have deemed them inappropriate, capable of jeopardizing your safety, or even alter the future in such a way that my knowledge my no longer be useful."

Trying to calm himself down and not to hurt her feelings anymore he says, "And I understand you Cam because it must be hard to lie to my face. But please, you must understand that the difference that exists between manipulation and cooperation is honesty." Seeing as how she still was half-pouting, he grabs her hands in his again and pleads, "Please Cam, I need to trust someone else besides me. I NEED to be able to TRUST YOU beyond any doubt. Please. We have so many things to do and fight for. We cannot base our relationship on lies and deceit. Please."

Sounding a bit doubtful she answers him, "Very well John. I will have full disclosure with you BUT no one else. Though I fear how some information may affect you and your decisions."

John trying to convince her as best as he can, he tells her, "And that is why I need You… so that WE make the right decision... Together. "

Surprised she asks him, "Together?"

Almost euphorically he answers her, "YES! Together!"

Still sounding doubtful, she simply states, "John, my helping you in your decision making may tarnish your image among those humans who would choose to follow you and might even prevent the resistance from being formed by you."

Letting go of her hands and sounding more than a bit sarcastic he tells her, "Newsflash Cam! The future is not set, there is no fate but what we make for ourselves. If I sent YOU to be with ME, it wasn't solely for you to be my guardian. Another T850 could've done that."

Furrowing her brow and sounding a bit disconcerted she responds, "Well, not quite like me though."

Almost chuckling he manages to save his mistake by trying to appease her with, "Of course not quite like you Cam. Not ever. What I meant was…"

Looking a bit hurt and even angry she places her left hand on her waist and raises her right hand pointing a finger (as if to scold him) "I know what you meant. Still, my being alongside you will hinder your efforts to form the resistance because I AM a … a…"

Unable to contain himself he half laughs his next words, "Ha! Gotcha! Yes Cam, while we are different physically BUT we are still both People fighting for what we believe is right."

Sounding confused she retorts, "But I am not human. I am cybernetic organism."

Calmly he says, "I know."

Now not even trying to hold back her scolding act, she questions John as if with this next argument she could convince him of just how outrageous what he was saying really was, "Do you also know that people fear and hate what they do not understand?"

Quickly John shoots down her argument, "Ignorance is indeed dangerous. But together, we can overcome it."

Almost sounding defeated she tries to come back with, "John, please that is just…"

But zeroing in on the killing stroke, John swiftly interrupts her, "What? Impossible? Cam, you are a cyborg from the future whom I reprogrammed and now has free will. We are sitting in the kitchen inside a church discussing how we can help people overcome Judgment Day. There is nothing impossible for God."

Sounding quite surprised she asks him, "So you do believe in God?"

To which he replies, "Wouldn't you after what I've seen, heard and done so far?"

Still a bit confused she tries to explain her reasoning, "It is just that I have never seen you…"

But again John interrupts her, "Pray? Go to church? Wear a crucifix? Just because I haven't kissed you yet it does not mean I won't; or that you wouldn't enjoy it for that matter. There are so many things I want to share with you. I want to fight for that future where humans and cyborgs coexist, where you and I are in it…together."

Her eyes lighting up a bit she sounds truly grateful. "Thank you for explaining John. I need to process this information."

But sounding a bit impatient John asks her, "How long will it take you?"

"Why?"

Sounding determined he elaborates, "Because I want you to tell me everything you know about Skynet, terminators, their allies, their weaknesses, countermeasures, potential allies and the way Judgment day happens. After that we are going to start formulating plans and strategies on how to better combat Skynet. Once we are done with that I would really like you to help me design an effective training routine for me. I want to be better prepared for any threats to us. And if it is not too much to ask, I would really like to clean up so that we can eat out and try to have a good time celebrating my birthday."

Stating what would seem obvious she informs him, "But your birthday was yesterday."

To which he gently responds, "Better late than never. Do you like chocolate?"

After considering it for a moment, she responds with what seemed like a smirk "Actually I do."

With a smile on his face John hugs Cameron, "You are so perfect Cam."

And she hugs him back "Thank you John."


End file.
